In all of the recent conversations about male privilege, violence against women, and misogyny, there’s been a lot of debate about “not all men.” When guys are confronted with the many ways in which men hurt, harass, and abuse women, it’s a pretty common response for us to say, “I’m not like that.” Many of […]

“How do you identify?” That’s often a tough question for me to answer. As a general rule, I’ve shifted away from identifying as anything because I’ve found that when I do, it can be hard to let go of that self-identity when things change. In my experience, life brings lots of surprises that are difficult […]

I got my legs waxed last week. I did it to surprise a lover because I knew they would like it. What I didn’t know was how amazing it would feel. I’d never removed my leg hair before and it’s been decades since it started growing. I remember being in my teens and seeing it […]

I recently posted Learning to Ask on Fetlife (one of the most widely-used social networking sites for the S&M scene), and it quickly received a lot of comments. Many of the folks who responded shared that they face a lot of challenges with asking for what they want, or that it took them plenty of […]

Do you ever have difficulty asking for what you want? I used to, and it’s taken a lot of practice to be able to change that. On a recent trip, I had a great reminder of how important it is to be able to build that skill. When I got to the gate for my […]

Melissa McEwan over at Shakesville wrote a piece today about why she thinks that straight men shouldn’t write articles or blogs telling other men how to not be creepy. She makes some good points, though I think she also misses some key points. Her first argument is that when men talk about creepiness, they tend […]

Have you ever stopped and asked yourself what a successful sexual experience is? It’s an important question because how you answer it says a lot about your attitudes and beliefs about sex. And that has a big impact on the kinds of experiences you’re creating and the sexual relationships you build. One of the more […]