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Thank you:
This was a really good read for me especially at this point in my life and this week. I always go through this very depressive state when I am facing lunar changes. But in the past year I have had to take many risks with my children as we faced homelessness, the criminalization of this condition and the awful shelters where we stayed and experienced serious abuse. I also am going through serious crisis of loneliness and a deep pain regarding my sexuality. I am so deeply in love with this couple. I told them my feelings a few years ago but they obviously don’t feel the same way even though I feel that they are somewhat flirtatious with me.
I have felt very suicidal about my homelessness, about being a very single mother of 4 children, with a lifestyle that is not accepted by the mainstream. I am extremely lonely and I feel like a failure. I went to grad school but I have yet to reap any benefits. I know what I want to do but I have no resources to support that desire. Mostly, I really wanted to be in a loving closed Vee relationship with that couple because I felt that it would provide me with the support that I need to do what I love and for me and my children to thrive.
At this point I feel that everyday could be the last day with my children because I cannot comply with the system, I feel depressed about my broken heart. I am utterly humiliated, I was honest about my feelings and I was brutally turned down in a nasty way too. And I blame it on the fact that I have no money and no fame.
So thanks for reminding me and others that failure can a learning opportunity too. For instance, what if Abe Lincoln had stopped trying at politics, would he have been killed? So, I don’t regret what I haven’t gotten but I missed what I dream for and I continue to fantasize about what I cannot get.
A million thanks.